IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

To achieve personal happiness, the relationships we have withother people (friends, colleagues, family) are more essential than every other thing. Issues like wealth and occupations take the second place. Write to support this claim.

#happiness #relationships #withother #people #friends #colleagues #wealth #occupations #second #place #support
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The growing pressures of the money driven world we live in widely cause the gravitation towards material items.
However
, personal
happiness
 is not achieved through things like work, wealth, and success. Though these things may be attractive and
coveted
overlaid or spread or topped with or enclosed within something; sometimes used as a combining form
covered
, it does not refute the fact that relationships with friends, colleagues, and family members are the genuine secrets to living happily.
This
 will be proven by bringing up the topic of wealthy superstars who steadily live lonely lives and advice from elderly people based on experience.
To begin
 with, there are a lot of popular celebrities and
influencers
 who make an impression that the secret of
happiness
 is money.
However
, it is just a beautiful picture, as not every famous person is happy despite their income. Running after success might bring you material possessions, but it will never bring
you
of you or yourself
your
 friends, family or a
soulmate
Suggestion
soul mate
.
Therefore
, it is better to be around your loved ones than to have
finances
Suggestion
the finances
 that will be needless, if you have no one. People who know best about the real values of life are representatives of the older generation. Most of them realise that the only thing a person needs is good relationships with others. Perhaps,
this
 is not that youngsters might consider as a priority, but it comes with experience.
Accordingly
, it is obvious that only
human
Suggestion
Human
 connection can cheer us up. As explained above, genuine
happiness
 can never be bought by wealth and everyone gets to realise
this
 when they become old. It is true that the relationships with friends, colleagues, and family members create
happiness
.
Therefore
, the greater the love you give, the greater you receive.
Submitted by gstukaeva on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: