IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Topic 3: the best way to resolve significant environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is true that humans are struggling to find solutions for environment-related issues.
While
Linking Words
 a number of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that increasing
fuel
Use synonyms
 prices is the most effective one, I completely disagree with that point of view. On the one hand, we have other options that prove to be more persuasive approaches.
Firstly
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, since many alternative sources of energy emerged in recent years, we have many choices which are environmentally friendly to replace fossil
Use synonyms
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
show examples
.
For example
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, Tesla, the biggest electric vehicle company, shows the world that their cars are not only cleaner for the environment but
also
Linking Words
 more convenient for customers than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conventional ones. That fascinating success of
such
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 a young firm makes other automakers, which were founded for decades,
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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realise that sustainable energy is truly the future of the automotive industry.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the advancement of technology nowadays allows us to optimise
fuel
Use synonyms
engine
Fix the agreement mistake
engines
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, and
this
Linking Words
 means that we can reduce car emissions but still retain the performance.
For example
Linking Words
, hybrid vehicles, which are more and more widely studied, can convert waste energy into electricity during
the
Correct article usage
apply
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operation, and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can replace the main power when needed.
On the other hand
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, there are some reasons why imposing a higher tax on
fuel
Use synonyms
 not only is an ineffective strategy but
also
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 leads to consequences.
Firstly
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,
this
Linking Words
 policy will
give
Verb problem
have
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 a significant impact on poor
people
Use synonyms
 in
low development
Add a hyphen
low-development
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 countries, who mostly are farmers or fishermen. Spending too much on
fuel
Use synonyms
, they will use other methods which may harm the environment to increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
revenue and compensate
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 cost
such
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 as using toxic chemical pesticides or overfishing.
Secondly
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, the price is not the main reason for
people
Use synonyms
 to cut down on emissions.
For example
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, despite the high cost of
fuel
Use synonyms
, Vietnamese
people
Use synonyms
 tend to choose personal vehicles rather than public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
, which are widely recognised means to improve
urban
Correct article usage
the urban
show examples
 atmosphere effectively. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that making
fuel
Use synonyms
 more expensive is the best way to tackle the environmental crisis, I would argue that we have better choices, which can overcome the side
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 of
such
Linking Words
policy
Correct article usage
a policy
show examples

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Task Achievement
Consider providing a clearer stance on your position in the introduction to enhance clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader effectively.
Task Achievement
While your examples are relevant, try to incorporate more diverse examples to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay contains a well-structured argument with clear points and a logical flow.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples that support your claims, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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