You recently joined a sports club and are having some problems. Write to the manager and include Why you joined the club The problems you are having Some possible solutions

#sports #club #manager

Dear Sir or Madam, I am Jaspreet Kaur, and I have recently joined the Snapfit gym to develop my physical fitness and tone my body.

However

, I am completely dissatisfied with the services offered by your club’s branch located near the Surrey Central Mall. My main motive behind joining the sports club was to lose the excessive fat from my body.

Additionally

, I was thinking

to hire

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of hiring

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a personal trainer, who can recommend me the best weekly diet. Unfortunately, there are a number of problems that I have faced during my visit to the

snap fitness

Correct your spelling

Snap Fitness

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Sports Club.

Firstly

, I had to wait too long outside the gym as there was no employee on duty in the morning, and upon asking, they said that we

don’t

Wrong verb form

didn’t

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have enough staff.

Secondly

, the majority of

equipments

Change the wording

equipment

types of equipment

pieces of equipment

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were

Correct subject-verb agreement

was

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not working and the management is not taking any initiative to fix them.

Lastly

, the

equipments

Change the wording

equipment

types of equipment

pieces of equipment

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sometimes

produce

Correct subject-verb agreement

produces

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a foul smell because of improper cleaning. I think that

this

matter deserves your urgent attention.

Therefore

, I want you to take strict

actions

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action

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towards the management

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apply

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so that they can take care of the maintenance of all the

equipments

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equipment

types of equipment

pieces of equipment

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of the gym.

Additionally

, I would really appreciate

Correct pronoun usage

it if

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you could send some technician to fix the broken machines as soon as possible. I Look forward

hearing

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to hearing

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from you soon. Yours faithfully, Jaspreet Kaur

Fri Apr 10 2020

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task response

You have addressed the task by explaining why you joined the club, the problems you are facing, and proposing possible solutions. However, make sure to clearly state your request for action in the concluding paragraph.

coherence and cohesion

The introduction and statement of purpose are clear. The letter is well-organized with a proper greeting and closing. Work on transitioning between ideas more smoothly to enhance coherence.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

8 paragraphs

227 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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You recently joined a sports club and are having some problems. Write to the manager and include Why you joined the club The problems you are having Some possible solutions

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Some people think that it's always better to live in the rented accomodation. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of it.

Cultural shock is a growing-phenomena in migrants. What are its causes and effects on migrant?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

More and more are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for work? What will be consequences of this? What solutions can you offer?