The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007.

The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007.
The following chart illustrates the
time
spent each week by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers performing some activities in Chester from the years 2002 to 2007. The horizontal axis represents the activities and
vertical
Add an article
the vertical
show examples
axis shows the number of
hours
.
Overall
, it was observed that teenagers dedicated most of their
time
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
watching TV. They spent
highest
Add an article
the highest
show examples
number of
hours
(almost 40)
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
it.
Also
,
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
spent
their
Change the word
the
show examples
least
Correct your spelling
last
show examples
time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
bowling.
Moreover
, there
Add a missing verb
is as
show examples
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
slight similarity in shopping and doing homework(approximately 15
hours
per week).
Furthermore
, watching DVDs had a reasonable difference in tendency compared to watching television. In
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
of viewing TV, it was noted that it was done most frequently in the year 2007 and least in 2002 and 2003. There was a rapid increase in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
of
hours
from 2002 to 2007. In terms of doing sport, there was a gradual decrease in the
hours
given from the years 2002 to 2007.
Moreover
, equality in spending
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
going to pubs/discos was seen in three consecutive years 2004, 2005 and 2006. In subject to shopping, there was a steady peak in
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
of
hours
given to it was reported from 2002 to 2007.
Also
, homework was done significantly in 2002.
Lastly
, there was a decline in the activity
bowling
Change preposition
of bowling
show examples
which is relatively 5
hours
in 2007.
Submitted by asadsaifi90 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, moreover".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, hours with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: