IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Growing number of overweight people put stress on healthcare system. Some people believe that Teaching about physical fitness at school is the solution for this while others don't believe in this. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #stress #healthcare #system #fitness #school
Number
Suggestion
The number
 of fat people are getting stress from
healthcare system
Suggestion
the healthcare system
 in
this
 decade. Teaching field is
good
Suggestion
the best
 way to teach about health fitness in school it will be
give
Suggestion
given
 a better solution. Some people could not trust to reduce fat since childhood. In
this
 essay we will discuss both views for overweight issues.
On the other hand
, there are still many people who don't believe in the opinion of giving fitness lessons and find it completely preposterous. These people think that
this
 can divert a child's focus from his studies which can be detrimental for his academic performance. To support
this
, many parents believe that the time devoted by the child in doing physical stuff should be invested in studying as
this
 is not the correct age for youngsters to contemplate about their physical well being. These are the supporting facts which have bolstered the beliefs of these people about the needlessness of the physical education. To sum things up, medical centres have long been pressurized by the rise in the number of overweight citizens.
This
 essay discussed why some people are in favour of fitness lessons in the schools, while others are not. In my opinion, I firmly believe that it must be an endeavour of the educational institutions to encourage students to adopt a healthier lifestyle by providing them the right guidance.
Submitted by chigurupati on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: