IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people believe that individuals are responsible for their own happiness, while others think happiness is dependent on other external factors. Discuss both views and include your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and examples from your experience.

#people #individuals #happiness #factors
Happiness is
state
Suggestion
a state
the state
 of mind that many masses can easily get but for many others it would be different
.
Accept space
.
 Some people opine that a
person
 is responsible for their own happiness while
other
any of various alternatives; some other
another
 thinks that the
outer
not the same one or ones already mentioned or implied
other
 factors creates happiness
.
Accept space
.
I
,
Accept space
,
however
,
belive
accept as true; take to be true
believe
believes
believed
 that the internal as well as external factors are responsible for happiness
.
Accept space
.
 In
this
eassy
an analytic or interpretive literary composition
essay
easy
assay
,
Accept space
,
 I intend to delve some reasons for it. To initiate with, every
person
have
Suggestion
has
 their own view to see things
,
Accept space
,
 ideas and perception
.
Accept space
.
in
Suggestion
In
holy book
Suggestion
the holy book
 of Hindus
,
Accept space
,
 The Bhagwagita
also
 had explained through "
tunde
Suggestion
Tunde
tunde
Suggestion
Tunde
 Mani
bhinnaha
!" Mean that every
person
 have different mind
.
Accept space
.
 A good
person
 is who adopt changes easily and move on from
past
Suggestion
the past
.
Accept space
.
For example
,
Accept space
,
 in my
neighborhood
a surrounding or nearby region
neighbourhood
,
Accept space
,
 the
vaghasia
Brazilian statesman who ruled Brazil as a virtual dictator (1883-1954)
Vargas
 family has been living since 2000 but
th
definite article
the
 breadwinner of his family died due to
dieases
an impairment of health or a condition of abnormal functioning
diseases
disease
. The
elde
(used especially of persons) having lived for a relatively long time or attained a specific age
old
person
 who had already retired 2 years ago, now
undersgood
fully apprehended as to purport or meaning or explanation
understood
 that he needed to go
for
Suggestion
to
 work to feed
family
Suggestion
the family
a family
families
.
Accept space
.
 They adopted Change. On opposite view
,
Accept space
,
 the external factors like as finance
,
Accept space
,
 health
,
Accept space
,
 environment and so on
also
 affect
alot
Suggestion
a lot
. Many families
does not have
Suggestion
do not have
 enough money to survive and provide basic necessities
although
 they goes for work
.
Accept space
.
 Some masses have health problem and
suffed
undergo or be subjected to
suffer
 from decease. The recent Corona epidemic is
good example
Suggestion
a good example
.
Accept space
.
 At that
time so
Accept comma addition
time, so
 many families
lossed
no longer in your possession or control; unable to be found or recovered
lost
 their family members
,
Accept space
,
 friends
,
Accept space
,
 brothers
,
Accept space
,
 sisters and
also
childs but
Accept comma addition
children, but
children but
 at
last
 all come up and deed new start of life
.
Accept space
.
 The
environment
Suggestion
environmental
 factor is Paramount become from it within a
second
 life has been changed
.
Accept space
.
For example
,
Accept space
,
 in
earthquake
Suggestion
an earthquake
the earthquake
 of 2011
,
Accept space
,
 homes
,
Accept space
,
 properties were lost by everyone
.
Accept space
.
 It took nearly one or two minutes to destroy the all money which
were earned
Suggestion
was earned
 whole life
.
Accept space
.
 Everywhere only seen is knocked houses and dead bodies
.
Accept space
.
 To sum up
,
Accept space
,
 it has been said that with time passes
,
Accept space
,
 every wound of the body will recover but the condition is solely positive attitude.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: