In recent years, there has been growing interest in the relationship between equality and personal achievement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits. What is your view of the relationship between equality and personal success?

These days, people have different views about the relationship between equality and personal
success
. It is believed that
individuals'
Suggestion
individual's
individual
achievement can be better realized in an egalitarian
society
, but others think that
individuals'
Suggestion
individual
achievement depends on personal merits. In my opinion, I entirely agree that equal
society
will help people gain more
success
. On the one hand, in egalitarian societies, people will have the same chances to access to education, which is one of the most important keys that leads people to
success
. Today’s compulsory education ensures that everyone, whether poor or rich, has opportunities to attend class;
therefore
, it allows individuals to achieve more. Specifically, while the children or young adults from wealthy families can have better preparation and condition during
schooling
Suggestion
school
time, the other poor people can
also
be provided free studying programs as well as affordable higher education.
This
makes sure that everyone has the same opportunities of having
success
.
On the other hand
, if people think they are living in an equal
society
, they will have more motivation to work hard and try their best. In employment,
instead
of worrying about discrimination, they will concentrate on
work
Suggestion
the work
to excellently finish their tasks.
For example
, almost normal employees frequently afraid of competing with people whose
family’s
Suggestion
family
members already have a high position in
society
because
this
helps them winning promotion more easily. It can be seen that if equality always appears in various aspects of life, people will tend to try their best to achieve their goals; thereby, their abilities will
also
be fairly recognized. In conclusion, with all things considered, people can achieve more in egalitarian societies. From my perspective,
this
brings about many benefits to our communities.
Submitted by bireus2411 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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