Being a celebrity - such as a movie star or professional athlete - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity has more benefits or drawbacks?
Being famous is one of the biggest dreams of people in the world, unfortunately not everyone can have the popularity of a movie star or a professional athlete. Some people think
than
being famous can have an ample range of Correct word choice
that
benefit
like bigger incomes and public relationships Change the noun form
benefits
while
others believe that you cannot have a private life. I certainly think than
being a celebrity has much more benefits than downsides. In Correct word choice
that
this
essay
I will give some examples.
Once you become famous, it is inherently known that you Add a comma
essay,
loss
your privacy, famous are basically followed up by paparazzi, fans and Replace the word
lose
journalist
everywhere and they have to learn how to deal with it. Fix the agreement mistake
journalists
Although
these are the drawbacks, definitely they are the essence of all the advantages. For example
, everyone knows that Michael Jackson liked kids and because of this
fact, his popularity increased, so he was more prone to be invited to public events and earn more money.
However
, the more popular you are, the more are
Unnecessary verb
apply
the
chances Correct article usage
apply
that
you Correct word choice
apply
can
have to perform around the world and meet Verb problem
apply
up
people who can help you Change preposition
apply
to
boost your career as an artist or athlete. Verb problem
apply
For instance
, Shakira was helped in Colombia by a politician who was her boyfriend to participate in multiple International events. This
made her really popular and after that
she was the main musician Add a comma
that,
of
the Olympic games. At that time, I thought she did not care about showing her relationship with her fans.
To summarize, the advantages of being popular outweigh the drawbacks. Incomes and experiences performing around the world are worth it enough to accept the downsides like the loss of privacy.Change preposition
at
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task response
Improve the logical structure of your essay by organizing your ideas more coherently. Ensure a clear and comprehensive response to the task, and provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Work on introducing and concluding your essay effectively. Additionally, make sure that your main points are supported with relevant examples.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite