IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, the amount of crime is incrising. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

#countries #amount #crime
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Nowadays there are a huge amount of offences which are happening all over the world,
such
 as
arsons
Fix the agreement mistake
arson
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, burglaries, frauds, vandalism, kidnapping and so on. In
this
essay
 I am going to consider the reasons and how we can decide
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to stop cruelty on our planet. First of all, I believe that committing
crimes
depend
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depends
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 on the social situation in each country, their development and
income
Correct article usage
the income
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 of citizens. Namely because of not enough money person can
go on
Verb problem
commit
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 different
crimes
 just because he wants to exist, to eat.
Furthermore
 , there are
lot's
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lots
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 of white-collar
crimes
such
 as hacking and blackmailing
due to
 big globalization in different companies, where everyone wants to get databases from each of them.
So for
Rephrase
For
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this
 reason companies spend a big part of their income to prevent
such
 situations and to save their business. In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 there are
lot's
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lots
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 of k Check the
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such
 the problem grows
up
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apply
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every day, there are many reasons why a person is ready to do it. In most cases, it can be met when people are divorced, so one parent wants to
abduction
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abduct
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 the child from another parent. In those cases to prevent
such
 situations, decisions
of
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on
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 these problems should be gone out from government restrictions and politics.
Firstly
 ,
government
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the government
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 should control all spheres of people's lives . They need to pass different laws to stop doing
such
 things and to increase imposing fines on the citizens,
also
 even to increase imprisonment time. What is more
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some
crimes
 may be returning to capital
punishments
Fix the agreement mistake
punishment
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.
Secondly
 , there should be community services for some petty
crimes
 too,
such
 as traffic offences.
In
Change preposition
As
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result
Correct article usage
a result
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 , after committing the crime person must fully understand his mistake and try not to repeat it. To my mind, if there were more punishments , people would think before doing something prohibited

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • propensity
  • recidivism
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitative
  • judicial system
  • corruption
  • socioeconomic
  • alienation
  • stigmatization
  • decriminalization
  • enforcement
  • gentrification
  • preemptive measures
  • intervention strategies
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