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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#men #women #education #britain #three #periods #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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This
Linking Words
 bar chart illustrates statics about
men'
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 and
women'
Change noun form
women's
show examples
involving
Replace the word
involvement
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in full-time and part-time discipline It is visible that, there are some changes in the sum of men and women in both, full and part-time
education
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if we look at
charts
Correct article usage
the charts
show examples
 regarding full-time
education
Use synonyms
, we will see that there is
gradual
Add an article
a gradual
the gradual
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 increase in the total of female
students
Use synonyms
 from 1970th to 1900th and in 1990-1991 the number of female
students
Use synonyms
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
noticeably changed in a positive way.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men,
students
Use synonyms
' participation in full-time
education
Use synonyms
 declined in
1980th
Correct article usage
the 1980th
show examples
 compare to 1970th and the statistics
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there is a slight augmentation in 1990th. When it comes to part-time
education
Use synonyms
, it is doubtless that female and male
students
Use synonyms
 have chosen
this
Linking Words
 type of
education
Use synonyms
 less before, but later
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 statics
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
changed and the number of
students
Use synonyms
 increased year by year and
this
Linking Words
 augmentation is more for women in 1980198, but it is approximately the same in 1990-1991.
Submitted by sebnemrecili on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words education, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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