IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The major cities in the world are growing fast, as well as their problem. What are the problems that young people living in cities are facing with? Give solutions to these problems.

#cities #world #people
The rapid development in the urban city brings a lot of problems to the youngster. In
this
 essay, I intend to explore the sources of these problems
along with
 some viable possible solutions to
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Chief among the causes of
this
 problem is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overpopulation, which leads to overcrowding and environmental damage. A slum area in the urban space,
for example
, has a poor quality of housing
as well as
 sanitation that could cause significant health problems.
Furthermore
, the air quality in cities has been often poor,
due to
 pollution from traffic, and the streets and public transport systems are usually overcrowded.
Along with
 a poor quality of air, water is often
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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scarce because the infrastructures -hotels, airports, golf
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
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, etc.- take the underground water. The people,
then
, could not take the water from their wheel. In order to resolve
this
 sense of alienation within the urban, I believe we must first address its root causes. Perhaps the most effective method of doing
this
 would be reclaiming the right to the city. In order to make the city
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 humane, accessible, and liveable social space,
reconfiguring
Correct article usage
a reconfiguring
show examples
 approach to the planning, design, and structure of architecture and landscape is needed. By reconfiguring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urban planning,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people could participate
to make
Change preposition
in making
show examples
 what urban space they needed to live
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
 In conclusion, I believe that
this
 is clearly a problem of
such
 complexity that no solution is likely in the short term.
However
, I believe that the measures outlined above would constitute a good first step.

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coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported with relevant examples, but some could be further elaborated for a more comprehensive analysis.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing the problems faced by young people in urban cities and providing solutions. To improve task achievement, focus on providing more detailed solutions and further analyze the root causes of the problems.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-developed and provide a clear structure for the essay.
task achievement
Reconfiguring urban planning to make cities more humane and participatory is a strong solution to address the problems faced by young people in urban areas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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