IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

It is believed that women are more suited to child-rearing than men. What is your opinion on this issue?

#women #men
Junk
food
 has many disadvantages.
First
, many people will gain a lot of weight because of eating junk
food
. '' If you are eating too many calories from your fast-
food
 meals,
then
 a common outcome is to see an increase of weigh
t.
Suggestion
in
 Without moderation,
this
 disadvantage can quickly lead toward o
besity
Suggestion
to
'' (Parker, 2018, p.1).
This
 indicates that if people do not stop eating fast
food
 every day, they will get obese in a short time because fast
food
 has many calories and
sugar
.
Moreover
, eating fast
food
 effect negatively on the cardiovascular and digestive systems. Parker (2018) found that eating junk
food
 Items will establish spikes of
sugar
 ingestion that can create issues with the insulin reaction, expanding your danger of diabetes, weight increase, and insulin obstruction.
This
 indicates that people who eat fast
food
 daily have difficulty digestion and heart disorders.
Furthermore
, eating
sugar
 and soda will leads to
Suggestion
lead
tooth
 decay. Anne (2018) says that eating junk
food
 with high
sugar
 content,
such
 as soda, candy, and baked goods, coats your mouth, gums, tongue and teeth with
sugar
.
tooth
 de
cay o
Suggestion
Tooth
ccurs when the enamel, the protective coating on your teeth, starts to break down.
This
 indicates that people should avoid eating fast
food
 because it impacts negatively on their
tooth
. To sum up, obesity, defect on the cardiovascular and digestive systems, and
tooth
 decay is three disadvantages of eating fast
food
.
Submitted by mahamagwar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • child-rearing
  • caregiver
  • social constructs
  • nurturing
  • gender roles
  • stereotypes
  • paternity leave
  • co-parenting
  • development
  • economic pressures
  • primary caregiver
  • gender biases
  • fluidity of roles
  • societal norms
  • inherent differences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: