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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#amount #leisure #time #men #women #employment #status #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 in a typical week in
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
 enjoyed by males and females of different employment
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 between 2012 and 2013.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 most of the employment
status
Use synonyms
 of males enjoyed
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
females.
Overall
Linking Words
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 three type of
status
Use synonyms
 that are employed
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
, unemployed, and retired show that the number of
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 enjoyed by
men
Use synonyms
 were slightly more than
women
Use synonyms
 with above 40
hours
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
employed
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full
time
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
, and about 80
hours
Use synonyms
 in unemployed and retired of
men
Use synonyms
. Other than that, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 two
type
Change to a plural noun
types
show examples
 of
status
Use synonyms
 that are employed
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and housewives show that the amount of
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 enjoyed by
women
Use synonyms
 were more than the
men
Use synonyms
 with 40
hours
Use synonyms
 in employed in
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 and 50
hours
Use synonyms
 in housewives of
women
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 there are no
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
enjoyed
Correct pronoun usage
who enjoyed
show examples
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 two
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of employment
status
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words leisure, time, status, men, women, hours with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure time
  • employment status
  • full-time employment
  • part-time employment
  • unemployed
  • retired
  • housewives
  • gender comparison
  • notable differences
  • allocate time
  • trend analysis
  • work-life balance
  • time management
  • societal norms
  • economic factors
  • gender-specific trends
  • employment transition
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