1. The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #funds #services

It is often argued that

government

should allocate a vast majority of its

budget

on public services

instead

of spending its

budget

on arts, music, theatre.

Although

government

Suggestion

the government

should finance the public service that have

significant effect

Suggestion

a significant effect

society

, I think

proper funding

Suggestion

the proper funding

of arts, theatre is

also

crucial for cultural development

Accept space

On one hand

Accept space

spending a lot of money on the cultural services

such

as school, medicine, is so beneficial as these economic sectors determine the overall quality of life. Spending a vast majority of

budget

on services which have favourable effects on

society

’s life should be

first priority

Suggestion

the first priority

government’s policy

Suggestion

the government’s policy

. Public service

satisfy

Suggestion

satisfies

primary needs of

society

Accept comma addition

society, thus

thus

needs proper funds.

For instance

, artists, musicians are not curing diseases, building

mesmerizing skyscraper

Suggestion

mesmerizing skyscrapers

a mesmerizing skyscraper

in the city. Any country can live without theatre, museums or

entertainments

Suggestion

entertainment

program but

Accept comma addition

program, but

absence of medicine

Accept space

school

Suggestion

the school

can have detrimental effect which may lead to dispiriting experiences in the future. So

Accept space

government

adequately finance public services which play significant role in the human’s and

society

life.

On the other hand

Accept space

such

kind of amusement tools can’t be neglected on behalf of people’s mental physical health.

Firstly

theaters

a building where theatrical performances or motion-picture shows can be presented

theatres

and museums are mediums through which help people to relieve their stress and relax their body and mind.

Also

, paintings or architecture reflects our feelings and emotions

Accept space

somehow stimulate our body to

defence

Suggestion

defend

against our negativity inside.

Morever

in addition

Moreover

, watching movie, looking masterpiece in museum are

common way

Suggestion

a common way

common ways

the common way

of relaxation and entertainment. In conclusion, though I agree

government

should allocate a large part of its

budget

for urgent needs of

society

, I think music, theatres should be financed since they play an important role in

society

and peoples relaxation time.

Submitted by ulker.allahverdiyeva.96 on Wed Apr 15 2020

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

288 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cultural heritage
public services
economic benefits
mental health
well-being
equitable access
creativity
innovation
prioritize
essential services
healthcare
education
tourism
global recognition
holistic development
mutually exclusive
philanthropy
subsidize
infrastructure
socio-economic status
altruistic
civic engagement
aesthetics
civic pride
utilitarian

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1. The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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