IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

1. The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #funds #services
It is often argued that
government
 should allocate a vast majority of its
budget
 on public services
instead
 of spending its
budget
 on arts, music, theatre.
Although
government
Suggestion
the government
 should finance the public service that have
significant effect
Suggestion
a significant effect
 on
society
, I think
proper funding
Suggestion
the proper funding
 of arts, theatre is
also
 crucial for cultural development
.
Accept space
.
 On one hand
,
Accept space
,
 spending a lot of money on the cultural services
such
 as school, medicine, is so beneficial as these economic sectors determine the overall quality of life. Spending a vast majority of
budget
 on services which have favourable effects on
society
’s life should be
first priority
Suggestion
the first priority
 of
government’s policy
Suggestion
the government’s policy
. Public service
satisfy
Suggestion
satisfies
 primary needs of
society
Accept comma addition
society, thus
thus
 needs proper funds.
For instance
, artists, musicians are not curing diseases, building
mesmerizing skyscraper
Suggestion
mesmerizing skyscrapers
a mesmerizing skyscraper
 in the city. Any country can live without theatre, museums or
entertainments
Suggestion
entertainment
program but
Accept comma addition
program, but
 absence of medicine
,
Accept space
,
school
Suggestion
the school
 can have detrimental effect which may lead to dispiriting experiences in the future. So
,
Accept space
,
government
 adequately finance public services which play significant role in the human’s and
society
 life.
On the other hand
,
Accept space
,
such
 kind of amusement tools can’t be neglected on behalf of people’s mental physical health.
Firstly
,
theaters
a building where theatrical performances or motion-picture shows can be presented
theatres
 and museums are mediums through which help people to relieve their stress and relax their body and mind.
Also
, paintings or architecture reflects our feelings and emotions
,
Accept space
,
 somehow stimulate our body to
defence
Suggestion
defend
 against our negativity inside.
Morever
in addition
Moreover
, watching movie, looking masterpiece in museum are
common way
Suggestion
a common way
common ways
the common way
 of relaxation and entertainment. In conclusion, though I agree
government
 should allocate a large part of its
budget
 for urgent needs of
society
, I think music, theatres should be financed since they play an important role in
society
 and peoples relaxation time.
Submitted by ulker.allahverdiyeva.96 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • public services
  • economic benefits
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • equitable access
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • prioritize
  • essential services
  • healthcare
  • education
  • tourism
  • global recognition
  • holistic development
  • mutually exclusive
  • philanthropy
  • subsidize
  • infrastructure
  • socio-economic status
  • altruistic
  • civic engagement
  • aesthetics
  • civic pride
  • utilitarian
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