The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care systems in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem to introduce more physical educational lesson in school curriculum. to what extent do u agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #systems #effort #lesson #school #curriculum

These days a plethora of people puts on weight in an increasing number causes for the health care system.It is believed by some folk that incorporating sports and

exercise

in educational institutions is the effective method to deal with the problem of obesity

Accept space

also

agree that sports and

exercise

as well as balanced

diet

can play a crucial role to face

this

issue.

Firstly

, by introducing physical education in schools

this

problem can be solved and ensure that the upcoming generation will not have

such

health problems.People

needs

Suggestion

need

to be more cautious about their health.The more one

exercise

in a day the more he/she can be

fitter

Suggestion

fitted

. A large number of children in the west does

exercise

once which

Accept comma addition

once, which

is not enough to make them fit.Doing

exercise

at least twice and do sport once in a day makes a man healthy.

Secondly

, the point is to be noted that Balanced

diet

is equally important as physical education to keep body fit.The necessity of being healthy and fit should be taught by the teachers in school.Parents

also holds

Suggestion

also hold

a significant role in

this

matter. They should encourage their offsprings to eat homemade healthy

food

and maintain

balanced

Suggestion

a balanced diet

diet

by discouraging from going to restaurants to eat junk

food

.Junk

food

which contains a high level of sugar and fat is one of the biggest

problem

Suggestion

problems

of obesity.

now

Suggestion

Now

days

Suggestion

day

most of the youth loves to spend their time

Suggestion

restaurants and loves to eat junk

food

which makes them obese.

That is

why physical education and a balanced

dietis

Suggestion

diet is

necessary to tackle the issue of

unfit

Suggestion

the unfit

. To recapitulate, Dealing with

this

overweight issue sports and training should be Incorporated into school curriculum and balance

diet

should

also

be maintained by every child.

This

is long lasting method to solve

this

trouble.

Thu Apr 16 2020

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

300 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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