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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The constitution of many countries states that people are the only source of power. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Have you participated in politics in any way?

I think that, no matter who the leader of the
country
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, he
Verb problem
is, he
show examples
 or she should be, most importantly, educated,
Correct article usage
a patriots
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patriots
Fix the agreement mistake
patriot
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 of the
country
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,
Correct article usage
a professionals
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professionals
Fix the agreement mistake
professional
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, healthy, both physically and mentally and decent. I think that these qualities should be with the leaders of the
country
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, since they
make
Verb problem
shape
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 the future of the
country
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 and provide
the
Change preposition
for the
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 whole
country
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. And yet,
for example
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, I think that in Kazakhstan they trust a man more
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 I don’t know, maybe
this
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 is
such
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 a mentality of the
country
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. If you ask a question to our peasants
this
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 way: what qualities are most valued in a woman? Men answer: "housekeeping."
That is
Linking Words
,
women
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 have a place primarily in the house, in the family. I'm not saying that
this
Linking Words
 is the case with everyone, but it is a fact that someone has it. But I think that
women
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also
Linking Words
 have the right to be leaders of the
country
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 (Allah forbid)
if
Punctuation problem
, if
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 there is a war in the
country
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, many
people
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 say that
women
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 cannot cope with
this
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 task. Since they are so tender by birth, in a word, war is not for them. They say that
women
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, even if they are patriots, do not know how to use military weapons. In these cases, some
people
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 do not support
women
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 to become the
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
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 of the
country
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.
For example
Linking Words
, some
people
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 believe that the government needs more
women
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 leaders in politics to reduce violence. Perhaps
this
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 is
also
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 correct, as
women
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 will pay special attention to the topic of violence. Since most of the
Use synonyms
country
Add a comma
country,
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 there are
such
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 cases. And always underage little girls. I think we need to resolve
this
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 issue globally. In the end, I
also
Linking Words
 want to say, as she said, whoever the leader would be, they should be patriots
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and educated. From the point of view of the possibility of management and responsibility for the
country
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 and for
people
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, the requirements cannot differ by gender principles.

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clarity
Be clear about your view at the start. State if you agree or partly agree with the idea that people are the source of power.
organization
Make one main idea in each paragraph and give one or two examples for each.
language
Use short, simple sentences. Break long sentences into clear parts.
cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like 'and', 'but', 'also', 'therefore'.
expansion
When you give examples, explain how they back your point.
accuracy
Check grammar and fix small mistakes so the meaning is clear.
content
You raise good points about education, patriotism, and equal rights for women.
content
You use real examples from life to show a view.
analysis
You think about how rules should be fair to all people, not by sex.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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