IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.
#first #information #money #british #parents #children’s #sports #second #children #three #britain #time #period
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The line graphs illustrate data about monthly expenditure on
Childs
Change the noun form
child
show examples
 sports by Britain guardians and how many kids participate in three different games held between
between
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
2008 to 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, the amount of money increases with the passage of time.
Football
Use synonyms
 has a greater number of participants than
athlete
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
show examples
 and swimming games. There is some fluctuation seen in
football
Use synonyms
 and athlete
while
Linking Words
 swimming has steadily increased in peak. The guardians start spending
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20
pounds
Use synonyms
 monthly on their child in 2008, reaching
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
25
pounds
Use synonyms
 per month
at the end
Linking Words
 of the year 2010. Onward
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2011 the amount was still becoming elevated and crosses almost 30
pounds
Use synonyms
. In 2014 per month
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 fee was more than 30
pounds
Use synonyms
. The numbers of children in 2008 in swimming and athlete were less than 2.5 million,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
football
Use synonyms
 was above 7.5 million. As
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
pass
Replace the word
passed
show examples
, there was
slightly
Correct article usage
a slightly
show examples
 rising in numbers in a
football
Use synonyms
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 with half or one million same with
case
Add an article
the case
show examples
 of swimmers,
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 a dramatic rise is observed in athletes almost
double
Wrong verb form
doubling
show examples
 in numbers
at the end
Linking Words
 of time.
Submitted by sheen.pharmacist on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words football, pounds with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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