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Writing Samples
Band 5

the table show the average length of video advertisements on the internet and average length of time viewers spend watching them summarise the information by selecting and reporting the mian features, and make comparisions where revelant.

the table show the average length of video advertisements on the internet and average length of time viewers spend watching them summarise the information by selecting and reporting the mian features, and make comparisions where revelant.
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The table illustrates how long
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video
advertisements
Use synonyms
 on the Internet play and how long
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
viewers
Use synonyms
 spend time watching these
advertisements
Use synonyms
. The average
length
Use synonyms
 of
advertisement
Use synonyms
 varied from 14.6
seconds
Use synonyms
 for clothing to 45.8
seconds
Use synonyms
 for public services. The
advertisement
Use synonyms
 videos related to travel, entertainment and finance tended to
last
Linking Words
 longer than the others.
For example
Linking Words
, entertainment and automotive
advertisements
Use synonyms
 played 27.8 and 27.2
seconds
Use synonyms
 respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
length
Use synonyms
 of low-price products being advertised
such
Linking Words
 as clothing, medicine, and consumer electronics is shorter. Consumer electronics
advertisement
Use synonyms
,
for example
Linking Words
, plays for 15.3
seconds
Use synonyms
. Adverts for more expensive products or services tended to be watched for longer than adverts for less expensive items.
Viewers
Use synonyms
 on average watched more than 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
advertisements
Use synonyms
 for travel, automotive, and financial services.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
viewers
Use synonyms
 tended to watch less
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
public service and cheaper goods
such
Linking Words
 as medicine, clothes, and electronics.
For instance
Linking Words
,
viewers
Use synonyms
 spent only 6.0
seconds
Use synonyms
 watching
pharmaceuticals
Correct article usage
a pharmaceuticals
show examples
advertisement
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 it lasted for 16.3
seconds
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the
length
Use synonyms
 of
advertisements
Use synonyms
 and the
length
Use synonyms
 of spent viewing are associated with the perceived cost of the product or service being advertised.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "for example, such".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words advertisements, viewers, length, advertisement, seconds with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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