IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

in some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
The staggering growth of the population in some countries, confronting with consequent health problems of eating fast
food
, making government imposes the more
tax
 on the aforementioned
food
. I disagree with doing so.
exerting
Suggestion
Exerting
 pressure on the impoverished
in addition
 increasing the rate of crime will be discussed as two significant reasons. The higher
tax
 poses a dire threat to mental peace of the low-class
sratum
one of several parallel layers of material arranged one on top of another (such as a layer of tissue or cells in an organism or a layer of sedimentary rock)
stratum
.
This
 stems from the fact that
such
 money-related measures have a tremendous influence on those who cannot pay the extra money, leading to creating a gap between haves and have-nuts.
This
 means that, the more money people have, the more facilities they can access, contributing to
feeling
Suggestion
the feeling
a feeling
 of discrepancy between poor individuals. Admittedly, in some cases,
general requirement
Suggestion
a general requirement
general requirements
the general requirement
 for
this
 harmful
food
 decreased.
nevertheless
Suggestion
Nevertheless
, those having monetary concerns will be mainly prevented to use damaging
food
.
This
,
thus
, should government increase the
tax
of
Suggestion
on
 fast
food
, it will create a dissatisfied residence. Paying
tax
 spur either retailers or consumers commit a crime.
This
 rooted in, more
tax
, having leaded to
prohibitive cost
Suggestion
the prohibitive cost
 of
food
, decreases the vendor’s customers, affecting negatively their income.
This
 little
money which
Accept comma addition
money, which
 they earn is what makes them bypass the state's regulations by cooperating with special customers who under no circumstances will they
cut
put an end to a state or an activity
quit
 eating fast
food
.
Although
, in some cases, they will be arrested by police officers, criminal activities, namely, hidden online sales will be on the rise.
This
, by imposing
tax
Suggestion
taxes
 on the disastrous
food
,
therefore
, the criminal activities will be grown. To conclude, surrounding the question that whether high
tax
 deters the fatal effects of fast
food
 on the user’s well-being or not, the former would be debunked owing to its impacts on dweller's
fulfillment
a feeling of satisfaction at having achieved your desires
fulfilment
in addition
 expanding the criminal world.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: