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Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Write a letter to a friend about an item you borrowed last week, that accidentally got damaged. In your letter – Describe the item. – What was the damage? – What do you intend to do to rectify the problem?

8.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
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Dear Nav, I hope you’re doing well. I’m writing to apologise for accidentally damaging the
laptop
Use synonyms
 I borrowed from you
last
Linking Words
 week. Recently, I borrowed your Dell
laptop
Use synonyms
, which was a birthday present from your family, to complete an assignment.
While
Linking Words
 I was working on my assignment, my hand accidentally hit the table, causing the
laptop
Use synonyms
 to fall onto the floor. Unfortunately, the screen was damaged, and the
laptop
Use synonyms
 is not working properly now. I understand that the
laptop
Use synonyms
 is expensive and that I should have handled it more carefully. I have already started looking for a technician who can repair it, and I will pay all the repair costs. If it cannot be repaired, I will definitely replace it by buying you a new
laptop
Use synonyms
 of similar quality. I’m really sorry about
this
Linking Words
 incident, and I assure you that I will do everything I can to resolve the problem. Yours lovingly, Sandeep

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task response
You cover all parts of the task. To make it even stronger, say when you will take the laptop to be fixed.
task response
Your apology is clear and honest. You could add a short line asking your friend to forgive you.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a clear order: why you write, what happened, and what you will do. Keep using this simple plan.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are easy to follow. You can link two ideas with words such as “therefore” or “as a result” once, if it sounds natural.
task response
You clearly describe the laptop, the damage, and your plan to fix or replace it.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main point, so the letter is clear and easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending are warm and fit a letter to a friend.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • borrowed item
  • a brand-new camera
  • in excellent condition
  • use it for a few days
  • accidental damage
  • slipped out of my hand
  • fell onto the floor
  • a cracked screen
  • a damaged lens
  • a broken handle
  • a deep scratch
  • feel terribly sorry
  • take full responsibility
  • get it repaired
  • a reliable repair shop
  • cover the repair costs
  • pay for the damage
  • replace it with a new one
  • make it up to you
  • hope you can forgive me
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