IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English house.

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English house.
#demand #electricity #england #winter #summer #english #house
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The graph illustrates the consumer need
of
Change preposition
for
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electricity
Use synonyms
 during normal days of both cold and hot seasons in England.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the pie chart is representing the purpose of
electricity
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
by
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 local residents of the same country.
Overall
Linking Words
, most of the
electricity
Use synonyms
 is used by customers in the
winters
Fix the agreement mistake
winter
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.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, it is seen that less amount of energy is consumed in
summers
Fix the agreement mistake
summer
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. Considering the demand
of
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for
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 electric supply
in
Change preposition
on
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 typical days during the winter season, the graph showing units of used
electricity
Use synonyms
 surges
40,000
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by 40,000
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.
While
Linking Words
 on average, 30,000 to about 46,000 units of
electricity
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 burnt by users in the same weather.
This
Linking Words
 is because of the excess
usage
Use synonyms
 (exactly 52.5%) of electric heaters, both for rooms and water,
along with
Linking Words
 the
usage
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 of ovens, kettles and washing machines, which accounts for 17.5%. Turning to the trend of the graph in the summers, it is observed that
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 units (around 10,000 to 20,000) are consumed as compared to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 consumption in cooler weather.
That is
Linking Words
 mainly because of the less
usage
Use synonyms
 of purely resistive load, which usually takes a lot amount of power. Other households,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 lighting, TV, vacuum cleaners, food mixtures and
electricity
Use synonyms
 tools all
accounts
Correct subject-verb agreement
account
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30
Change preposition
for 30
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% of total consumption.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, usage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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