IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, many young adults find the consumption of energy drinks as a reliable way to recover from exhaustion and stress. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience  Write at least 250 words.

#adults #consumption #energy #drinks #exhaustion #stress #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is generally known that some people handle stress and recover from tiredness quickly and better than others.
Energy
Use synonyms
 drinks, provide an alternative to relieve stress and enhance everyday performance, but, I think that the continuous ingestion of these products is a concerning development, resulting in serious health issues
such
Linking Words
 as cardiovascular disease, insomnia and addiction.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, cardiac arrest and palpitations can arise
as a result
Linking Words
 of consumption of
energy
Use synonyms
 drinks. The World Health Organizations has published reports about the risks that these soft drinks have on the heart of people with underlying cardiovascular problems.
Energy
Use synonyms
 drinks
such
Linking Words
 as Red Bull and Monster are usually mixed with alcohol, which is a lethal combination, because the caffeine contained in the drinks triggers a high heart beat rate.
This
Linking Words
 could potentially be harmful, and in some cases lead to dead. 
Besides
Linking Words
, insomnia is one side effect closely linked to
energy
Use synonyms
 drinks. The main purpose of stimulants is to grant individuals with high doses of
energy
Use synonyms
 in order to cope with the burden of everyday tasks.
However
Linking Words
, caffeine is a key component of
energy
Use synonyms
 drinks, which prevents people from falling asleep and getting the deserved rest they need.
Therefore
Linking Words
, insomnia will eventually make the body feel more tired than before, 
Finally
Linking Words
, frequent and abusive consumption of
energy
Use synonyms
 drinks can end in addiction. As with any other substance with stimulating effects, young adults and teenagers can become reliant on
energy
Use synonyms
 drinks. Lack of concentration, poor performance, and even irritability are experiencing unless they have had the drink at the start of the day.
Thus
Linking Words
, for addicts, it is vital that
energy
Use synonyms
 drinks be consumed just to function properly. In conclusion, despite their popularity,
energy
Use synonyms
 drinks carry a wide variety of side effects that threaten the health of those who consume them. More education on the subject should be imparted in order to avoid
such
Linking Words
 consequences.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: