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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many Teenagers now have their own smartphone. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion

#teenagers #smartphone
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Nowadays,
Use synonyms
smartphone
Add an article
the smartphone
a smartphone
show examples
 is being owned by many
of
Change preposition
apply
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adolescents.
While
Linking Words
 overuse of
Use synonyms
smartphone result
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones results
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 in
teens
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teens'
teen's
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 poor performance in
education
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, I believe that these electronic devices help in younger
ones
Change noun form
ones'
one's
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 safety. The main benefit of using a
smartphone
Use synonyms
 by boys and girls is that they provide safety.
This
Linking Words
 is to say that there are several applications
such
Linking Words
 as
whatsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
,
viber
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Viber
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,
track
Correct word choice
and track
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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,
are
Correct word choice
and are
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 few of them which are not only used for video calling or chatting, but can
also
Linking Words
 be used for sharing their location. So that parents can track their
children
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children's
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 location and can alert emergency services or police
department
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departments
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 if something goes wrong.
For example
Linking Words
,
California
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the California
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 police department in a report said that they were able to
crackdown
Correct your spelling
crack down
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50
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on 50
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% of missing cases with the help of the location shared with their parents. In my opinion, younger ones should be given access to a
smartphone
Use synonyms
 as they are helpful in
safegaurding
Correct your spelling
safeguarding
 them. Overuse of a
smartphone
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 by youth means they are likely to perform
poor
Change the word
poorly
show examples
 in
education
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. There are several applications that
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
give endless fun and entertainment to them. So they will get addicted to these electronic devices
thus
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 spending extended
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
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 of time using them,
As a result
Linking Words
, they have poor educational performance.
For instance
Linking Words
, a research study by the Department of
Education
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 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 found that 70% of students who failed in their
last
Linking Words
year
Change noun form
year's
show examples
 grade were spending about 8 to 10
hrs
Correct your spelling
hours
show examples
 of their daily time on operating
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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. I believe that,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 they have drawbacks, their impact on
childer
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 can
be lessen
Change the verb form
be lessened
show examples
 by giving them limited access to devices
such
Linking Words
 as
iphone
Correct your spelling
iPhones
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 too much use of a
smartphone
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
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negative
Add an article
a negative
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 effect on younger
ones
Change noun form
ones'
one's
show examples
education
Use synonyms
, they
also
Linking Words
 provide safety to them which is much needed
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 anyone so they should be given access to use them.
Submitted by atlavijay464 on

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task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed, including advantages, disadvantages, and personal opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain a clear and organized structure throughout the essay, utilizing linking words and phrases to connect ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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