IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Playing a musical instrument is one of the most important achievements for any child. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

It is argued by some that
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
 with
musician
Replace the word
musical
show examples
 skills and education will have got successful future, unlike those who do not have it. In my opinion, I don't agree with that. I assume that playing an instrument is just a hobby, nothing more.
Firstly
Linking Words
, marvellous and virtuoso playing on any musical appliance is, obviously, not
superfluous
Correct article usage
a superfluous
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 perk, because you can spend
yours
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
 and others' free time enjoying your performance.
Secondly
Linking Words
, pupils who are playing a musical instrument have
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good and accurate hearing. On the one hand, I know a lot of felicitous people who can not play any musical
apparatus
Check wording
instrument
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, but they are happy and pleased.
For example
Linking Words
, many prominent actors, even from Hollywood,
as well
Rephrase
apply
show examples
can't play
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
musical
equipment
Check wording
instruments
show examples
. Leonardo DiCaprio, quite famous and legendary actor, who has
got
Verb problem
won
show examples
 a lot of
rewards
Use the right word
awards
show examples
as
Use the right word
an
show examples
 Oscar,
also
Linking Words
 cannot play a musical
gear
Check wording
instrument
show examples
. Actors are not the only example
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 you can
also
Linking Words
 take the scientists. They figure out either mathematics or biology or informatics
or
Punctuation problem
, or
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 other important sciences. I want to say that the absence of playing a musical gadget does not make them disappointed.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many people who are playing,
for example
Linking Words
,
piano
Correct article usage
the piano
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they can distinguish by ear even very similar sounds.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is helpful and useful to distinguish
peoples'
Check wording
people's
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 voices, especially when you work in a big company like either Microsoft or Amazon. Because there are really a lot of people there,
so
Rephrase
apply
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you need to understand who you hear and listen
.
Change preposition
to.
show examples
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 ability is very useful
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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leader's
Correct article usage
a leader's
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 skills.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, I certainly think that playing on guitar cheers up. In conclusion, possession of musical instruments is really better than the lack of
this
Linking Words
 hobby. Of course, it won't depend on your success in the future
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, it can definitely help to get it. I recommend playing a musical
device
Check wording
instrument
show examples
, because the benefits which you have if you play a musical instrument are
exactly
Rephrase
very
show examples
 useful.

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planning
Plan your essay first. Say your view early and then add reasons in a clear order.
development
Give strong and clear reasons. Use only ideas that fit the topic.
coherence
Link ideas with clear words. Use words like also, but, for example to show cause and effect.
language
Use simple and correct words. Fix wrong uses like gadget or gear.
argument
You show a clear view.
structure
Two side ideas are shown with 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand'.
conclusion
There is a conclusion.
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