IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In certain countries, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 facing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 problems is increasing
due to
Linking Words
 excessive consumption of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, governments have to rate a higher
tax
Use synonyms
 on junk
food
Use synonyms
. I agree with some
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
. I will discuss and render my opinion. Fast
food
Use synonyms
 contains many extremely harmful
nutrients
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as excess sugar and lipids. These
nutrients
Use synonyms
 will
train
Verb problem
apply
show examples
form into big molecules and accumulate and dog blood
vessel
Fix the agreement mistake
vessels
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, cooking methods
such
Linking Words
 as repeated frying oil and poor quality ingredients.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 kind of
food
Use synonyms
 can cause various
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, cancer and obesity.
However
Linking Words
, the advantages of fast
food
Use synonyms
 are cheap, fast and convenient.
Therefore
Linking Words
, fast
food
Use synonyms
 is a good choice for low-income
people
Use synonyms
 who are not able to eat at
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
 often or who are in
hurry
Correct article usage
a hurry
show examples
. Undoubtedly, imposing a higher
tax
Use synonyms
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
 will impact
food
Use synonyms
 prices.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it may cause
people
Use synonyms
 to change their minds to eat more useful
food
Use synonyms
 at a similar price.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 measure will reduce the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
suffering from '
health
Use synonyms
 problems
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it makes low-income
people
Use synonyms
 have less
food
Use synonyms
 to consume. Governments should focus on the quality of
food
Use synonyms
, especially ingredients,
nutrients
Use synonyms
 and cooking preparations.
For example
Linking Words
,
di fining
Verb problem
reducing
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of times to use fried oil
g
Correct your spelling
and
 banning some fatty dishes. In conclusion, in my opinion, I believe that imposing
Use synonyms
tax
Correct article usage
a tax
show examples
 will not help much in solving the
health
Use synonyms
 issues and have some
assitance
Correct your spelling
assistance
 measures for
people
Use synonyms
 having
low
Add an article
a low
show examples
 income. Focusing on ingredients,
nutrients
Use synonyms
 and cooking preparations will be more
sucessful
Correct your spelling
successful
 than increasing the
tax
Use synonyms
. In the future, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
facing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 issues will decrease.
Submitted by sunya2605 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: