IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Students should not be allowed to use mobile phones at school. Do you agree or disagree with this view

#students #phones #school
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People have conflicting views about the
use
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 of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
. I completely agree with the opinion that it should be prohibited for a number of reasons. One of the most obvious reasons is that
students
Use synonyms
 could be distracted by their
phones
Use synonyms
. These days, many smartphones can integrate various entertainment and social network applications. If being allowed to
use
Use synonyms
 mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 at schools,
students
Use synonyms
 may not resist the lure of playing online games, chatting, and using social platforms
such
Linking Words
 as Instagram,
Facebook
Correct word choice
and Facebook
show examples
 and glue their
eye
Fix the agreement mistake
eyes
show examples
 to phone screens during their lessons.
Consequently
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, they may tend to become mobile phone addicts, passive which leads to their worst performance at schools.
In addition
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 to
this
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, using mobile
phones
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 at
school
Use synonyms
 can cause peer pressure among
students
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.
For instance
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, when many individuals in a class start possessing the latest and trendy
phones
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 like the iPhone 11, others are likely to feel
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
inferior. In the long term, they can lose their self-esteem and become isolated in a class. Another problem associated with the
use
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 of mobile
phones
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 is that they enable
students
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 to cheat during tests. In fact, with the popularity of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 at
school
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, many
students
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 commence being lazy and depending on the support of these devices. In Vietnam,
for example
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, many candidates were found to
use
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 smartphones to call for help or search Google for an answer at the 2015 university entrance exam.
Consequently
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,
this
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 can ruin
students
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' career
path
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paths
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 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equality at crucial exams. In conclusion, I believe that a ban on the
use
Use synonyms
 of mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 at
school
Use synonyms
shouldimposedased
Wrong verb form
should be
show examples
 because it is highly likely to pose several thorny problems

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coherence & cohesion
The introduction and conclusion could be strengthened to provide a clearer overview of the essay. Ensure that the main points are clearly stated in the introduction and revisited in the conclusion for a more cohesive structure.
task response
The essay presents a clear argument against the use of mobile phones in schools, with well-supported reasons and examples.
coherence & cohesion
The essay effectively explains the potential negative consequences of allowing mobile phones in schools, presenting a logical flow of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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