IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Health services are the basic necessity for a person. Private companies have made the health services quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?

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It is commonly believed that the extravagant price of
Use synonyms
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
 has been attributed to the involvement of private enterprises, despite it being a fundamental need of every resident. The principle advantage of private health hospitals is the better facilities they can offer as compared to state-own institutions, while the main disadvantage that its high
treatment
Use synonyms
 cost makes ordinary people impossible to access the
healthcare
Use synonyms
 services they need.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees that its demerit outweigh the merit.
Firstly
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, the principle advantage of
Use synonyms
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
 services catered by private sector is that they can treat patients with higher-quality equipments, as well as offer clients with more personal care.
This
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 is because a private company makes enormous profits from
Use synonyms
treatment fee
Suggestion
the treatment fee
treatment fees
 of its patients, which are relatively higher than that in public hospitals.
Therefore
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, A lion’s proportion of
this
Linking Words
 profit is invested back in equipping more advanced medical machines and facilities, as well as hiring and training top-notch specialists to serve its clients.
However
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, the main disadvantage of the private
healthcare
Use synonyms
 system is the high price itself. To be more specific, only the affluent have enough money to pay for examination and
treatment
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 procedures conducted in private hospitals, while a person with low salaries may struggle to pay for medical bills.
As a result
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, people would not have equal access to the services in profit-making hospitals, despite receiving medical
treatment
Use synonyms
 is a basic necessity.
For example
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, a survey in 2019 depicts that an ordinary office worker would need up to 1 year to compensate for the money they spent on one time they visit a private hospital for general health examination. In conclusion, it is true that profit-oriented hospitals may offer equipments with higher quality than government-owned facilities.
However
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, if the private sector offered a supportive policy to lower the
treatment
Use synonyms
 cost, more people would have equal access to its state-of-the-art facilities which it provides.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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