Some people say that competitive sports have advantages for people from different groups and countries, while others believe that competitive sports only create problems between people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is a growing debate among experts that disputes between
people
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
rising
due to
competitive
sports
while
others believe the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. I will discuss my view on both sides, but, in my opinion, competitive
sports
should be considered as a game and nothing more. One benefit of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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competitive
sports
is that
people
can be inspired by their favourite sportsmen. They can lead a determined and successful life by following
principles
Correct article usage
the principles
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of their heroes.
For example
, India worships cricket as a religion because of Sachin Tendulkar, one of the great batsmen of his time. He inspired the whole country to participate in cricket and now, India has produced several great cricketers
such
as Virat Kohli.
Other benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
Another benefit
show examples
of
such
an event
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
that it brings
people
of different regions or countries together in solidarity to enjoy the game. Sometimes,
people
get carried away in competitive
sports
and take a loss or win personally.
This
leads to offensive behaviour towards the opposing team.
Many a times
Correct the article-noun agreement
Many times
Many a time
show examples
, it can be seen in sport events that
people
feel frustrated when their team
losses
Replace the word
loses
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and create
ruckus
Add an article
a ruckus
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.
For example
, whenever India and Pakistan have their matches,
although
players may play
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
professionally, the crowd can become charged up and harass each other’s country.
This
kind of behaviour can lead to an uproar among the
people
such
as harming each other. In conclusion, I believe competitive
sports
are an excellent way to promote enjoyment and solidarity among
people
of different cultures. We should realize that there will always be losers and winners in a game, but that should not create an environment of mass hysteria.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear thesis statement. It is important to clearly state your opinion at the beginning of the essay.
task achievement
The essay lacks specific supporting examples to illustrate the disadvantages of competitive sports.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a stronger conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Competitive sports
  • Advantages
  • Unity
  • Friendship
  • Cultural exchange
  • Understanding
  • Physical health
  • Mental health
  • Life skills
  • Problems
  • Rivalry
  • Hostility
  • Inequality
  • Discrimination
  • Pressure
  • Stress
  • Opinion
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