IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extents do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#women #childcare #men #focus #children #life #extents
Opinion is divided to
Suggestion
Opinion is divided
 as whether women should concentrate on taking care of their children as opposed to pursue their career path. I maintain that both males and females should
fulfill
put in effect
fulfil
 their parental responsibilities in an equal measure. On the one hand, there is
array
Suggestion
an array
 of disadvantages that society might experience from
lack
Suggestion
the lack
 of the female role in
workplace
Suggestion
the workplace
. It is evident that if women have to stay at home to raise their offspring and minimize their working life, it can increase gender inequality, which is one of the most controversial issues in current life.
Moreover
, society might lose a myriad of talented citizens in virtue of the shortage of female position in
economy
Suggestion
the economy
. Ms Ngoc Thao,
for example
, who is a CEO of Vietjet Air as well as a well - known billionaire, contributes remarkably to the development of economy in Vietnam.
On the other hand
, the qualities of both men and women are significant for bringing up and educating their children. To illustrate, sons need to have a role model to follow and build their characters which mothers have the inability to provide.
For instance
, adolescents often feel isolated and aimless,
as a
result they
Accept comma addition
result, they
 need to share and receive an advice from the same gender adults
instead
 of mothers.
Nevertheless
, the collaboration of men and women
in
Suggestion
with
 childcare might enhance the family happiness since they enable to understand and share the difficulties
of
Suggestion
with
 each other. In conclusion, I believe that women should
have the ability focus
Suggestion
have the ability to focus
 on their career and share their childcare duties with their partners in times of modernization.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: