IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph shows the changes in food consumption by Chinese people between 1985 and 2010.

The graph shows the changes in food consumption by Chinese people between 1985 and 2010.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These data sources clearly
communicates
Change the verb form
communicate
show examples
 the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of three categories of food (
meat
Use synonyms
, salt and
fish
Use synonyms
) in China over the 25-year period.
Overall
Linking Words
, there was an upward trend in the amount of
meat
Use synonyms
 and
fish
Use synonyms
 produced,
a
Correct word choice
and a
show examples
downward trend could be seen in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fish
Use synonyms
 production. It is
also
Linking Words
 noticeable that
fish
Use synonyms
 was the popular food choice over the period shown. In 1985, around 600
grams
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
fish
Change preposition
of fish
show examples
 was consumed by
Chineses
Correct your spelling
Chinese
show examples
 per person per week, which was six times higher than that of
meet's
Change the form of the verb
meeting's
show examples
comsumption
Correct your spelling
consumption
, at only 100
grams
Use synonyms
 per person per week,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of salt was
slighly
Correct your spelling
slightly
 lower, at around 500
grams
Use synonyms
. After a decade, the figure for
fish
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 dropped by 100
grams
Use synonyms
, from 700
grams
Use synonyms
 in 1990 to around 600
grams
Use synonyms
 in 1995, followed by
meat
Use synonyms
 and
fish
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
, with the figure being roughly 150
grams
Use synonyms
 and 350
grams
Use synonyms
 individually. In comparison, from 1995 to 2010,
Use synonyms
fish's
Change noun form
fish
show examples
consumption
Use synonyms
 saw a gradual increase, with the figure reaching a peak of nearly 850
grams
Use synonyms
 per person per week,
while
Linking Words
 the proportion of
meat
Use synonyms
 consumed increased moderately by 50
grams
Use synonyms
, from 150
grams
Use synonyms
 in 1995 to 200
grams
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period. The trend for salt was
noticeable
Change the word
noticeably
show examples
 different from those described above, it experienced a
steadily
Change the word
steady
show examples
 fall, with the percentage being 280
grams
Use synonyms
 and standing at approximately 200
grams
Use synonyms
 in 2010.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, meat, fish, grams with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: