IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #changes #birth #death #rates #zealand #summarise #features #comparisons
The line graph shows the number of life
circle
Fix the agreement mistake
circles
show examples
 over a
hunderd
Correct your spelling
hundred
 years by
death
 and
birth
. A glance at the lines reveals that the number of
birth
 and
death
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 will
changed
Change the verb form
be changed
change
show examples
 after 2041 and the
birth
rates
 draw
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 unstable line. At the beginning of
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
show examples
populatin
Correct your spelling
population
, there was
Correct article usage
an increased
show examples
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 of the
birth
rates
 doubled than
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
rates
. in 1921, the
birth
rates
 peaked until 1970,
while
 the
death
rate
 increased steadily and drew a
litle
Correct your spelling
little
fluctate
Correct your spelling
fluctuate
. After
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 20 years, the
birth
rate
 was decreasing with falls and peaks.
Finally
, the
birth
rate
 was falling after 2001. By the
way
Add a comma
,way
show examples
 the
death
rate
 covered the same trend. the falling population,
while
 the
birth
rate
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased slightly. Both
line
Change to a plural noun
lines
show examples
 will be
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 proportion in
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2041. After
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 years,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of population will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
shrinkage
due to
 falling
birth
rates
. The
death
rate
 will be growing up until below
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
60.00,
on the other hand
, the
death
rate
 will be decreasing steadily over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
40. In conclusion,
Add an article
the
a
show examples
growth
rate
 of the population will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decrease
according to
graph
Add an article
the graph
a graph
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words death, birth, rate, rates with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "falls" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: