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Writing Samples
Band 6

the chart below shows the precentage of people who ate five protions of fruite and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008

the chart below shows the precentage of people who ate five protions of fruite and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008
#precentage #people #five #protions #fruite #vegetables #uk
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the chart below shows the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of people who ate five
portions
Use synonyms
 of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008 The diagram below illustrates the citizen's value who consume five
portions
Use synonyms
 of fruit and vegetables a day around the UK
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the period between 2001 and 2008 ordinarily, the number of citizens who ate five
portions
Use synonyms
 of veggies increased each year, leading to a significant rise in the UK and
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
 gradually until 2006. Meanwhile, woman's consumption
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
hit a peak as high as those
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 any other gender every year. In 2001, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
ate
Correct pronoun usage
who ate
show examples
 5
portions
Use synonyms
 of veggies per day located at over 10%
whereas
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 earned more than 15% and woman's
percentage
Use synonyms
 was highest at over 20%. In the
next
Linking Words
 3 years,
children
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 were stabilized
while
Linking Words
 women grew sharply and earned over 25% in 2003 In 2006, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
, women,
Use synonyms
men
Correct word choice
and men
show examples
 reached peaks of over 20%, 25%,
30
Correct word choice
and 30
show examples
% respectively.
By contrast
Linking Words
, in the
next
Linking Words
 2 years, all the categories declined gradually except
men
Use synonyms
 which
maintained
Add a missing verb
was maintained
show examples
 in 2007. In 2008, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of citizens decreased to over 20% for
children
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 25% for
men
Use synonyms
 and 30% for women
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Submitted by vr.capcap on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "next, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, portions, children, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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