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Band 6.5

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#women #childcare #men #focus #children #life
Women are believed to be better at raising children than men so the working
life
 of them is becoming less important. I personally disagree with the statement and supposed that upbringing children should not be considered as women’s matter. On the one hand, the intent that women should completely concentrate on taking care of children is no longer suitable in recent years.
Firstly
, both men and women have the same ability to raise their children. To be more precious, in a family, the mother might be closer to their children than the
father but
Accept comma addition
father, but
 in fact, there are some children still grow up normally
although
 they live with only their dads.
Secondly
, women in modern
life
 have to balance between family and working so concentrating too much on upbringing children might make women’s
life
 become imbalance and it
also
 leads to some consequences.
For instance
, the work productivity might be decreased when women have kids because they have less free time for their
favors
a male parent (also used as a term of address to your father)
fathers
favours
 to gain qualifications for their career paths.
On the other hand
, it would be unfair to say women should work less and focus on taking care of their children. There
is
Suggestion
are
 a variety of women who succeed when they pursue their
life
-work. As an example, Miss Do Lien was a literature teacher before she decided to attend in the insurance business and became the chairman of
AAA insurance company
Suggestion
the AAA insurance company
a AAA insurance company
 8 years later.
Moreover
, back to working
life
 after maternity leave, women can share their husbands the burden of money to raise their child.
In other words
, when the baby becomes steadier, the bringing up and earning money should be shared equally between the wife and the husband. To conclude, I claim that women should balance between working and taking care of children
instead
 of prioritizing one of these.
Submitted by nam6a1cute on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • nurturing
  • empathy
  • sensitivity
  • maternal instinct
  • paternal involvement
  • child's development
  • work-life balance
  • gender equality
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