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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the percentage of people going to cinemas in one European country on different days. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The graph below shows the percentage of people going to cinemas in one European country on different days. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#percentage #people #cinemas #european #country #information #features #comparisons
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The following chart illustrates the proportion of
Europeans
, which visit
cinemas
 on different days during a 3
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 (2003, 2005 and 2007). It is clear from the graph that the most preferable day for going to
cinema
Add an article
the cinema
show examples
 in European countries during these periods is Saturday. Now turning to the details, the most undesirable day for visiting
cinemas
 was Monday in 2003, which made up approximately 10%,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
this
 trend changed totally because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
only almost 8% of
Europeans
 visited
cinemas
 on Wednesday in 2007. The scale of cinema visitors on Monday and Wednesday was
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 in 2005.
According to
 the graph, the rate of people going to
cinemas
 on Friday
during
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over these years was
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 and accounted for 30% for each year. Interestingly, that
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
week
Add a comma
,week
show examples
 the scale of wanting people to visit
cinemas
 had been rising. Before a drop
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 almost 10% on Sunday, most
Europeans
 visited
cinemas
 on Saturday and their percentage on average made up just over 42% during the period shown.
Overall
, the rate of people going to
cinemas
 had been rising
at the end
 of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 week,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 the most preferable day for the
Europeans
 was Saturday.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words europeans, cinemas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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