IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Should Children be encouraged to be competitive in sports and other activities? Or is it better for them to learn the benefits of co-operating with other people? Discuss both these views and give your own answer.

Being competitive
as well as
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 cooperative is part of our life. Both play an essential role in our development since our childhood and the question that begs is whether it’s better to learn to be competitive or to collaborate with
the
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apply
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others
?
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.
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 It is unavoidable that competition takes part when we are children in many activities including exams where we need to excel in studies or in
play
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playing
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 games where we try to win an athletic event.
Moreover
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, competition can open the doors to an open mind and bring out potential talent which means that the challenges could develop our competence. Obviously, all of
this
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while
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 remaining in a healthy mind.
However
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, the negative aspect that
rises
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arises
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 in the championship is the pressure on kids to do their best and
this
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 causes unnecessary stress.
While
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, well done,
right
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the right
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 competition can help teenagers
learning
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learn
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 skills they will use throughout their
life
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lives
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such
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 as searching
a
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for a
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job. The society is like an ocean with sharks where we need to fight to make our place. 
On the other hand
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, it is good to encourage working together rather than against others. When we are kids, we learn to play
together with
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 friends as a team, especially in sports including football, basketball or volleyball.
As a result
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, it will improve the quality of personal relationships, but
also
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 communication skills with
other
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others
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one
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.
This
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last
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 one will play an important role in
the
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adult life, including
a
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apply
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partnership or
team building
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team-building
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 skills.
To sum up
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, learning when it’s appropriate to become competitive and cooperative will be essential in the child’s education. But in
an
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the
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 adult
world
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world,
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 we tend to be more regardless
about
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of
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 having a good place in
the
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apply
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society.

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task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt. There is a lack of clear stance on whether children should be encouraged to be competitive or cooperative. The response could be more focused and directly address the given topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The structure of the essay could be improved to provide a stronger framework for the argument. Additionally, the overall flow of the essay could be enhanced to ensure clear and effective communication of the ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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