IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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We see the graph below that summarizes the proportion of 65+ ages (say, elderly in short) in
general
Add an article
the general
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 population between three different countries beginning from the
1940’s
Fix apostrophe usage
1940s
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 and up to
2040’s
Fix apostrophe usage
2040s
show examples
.
USA
Correct article usage
The USA
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 showed with a black line, Sweden
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 showed with Green and Japan with the red one. When we look at the graph we see that in the early years of twenty
Fix the agreement mistake
century
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centuries
Add a comma
,centuries
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 the percentage of elderly people close
between
Change preposition
to
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 each country,
ranged
Change the form of the verb
ranging
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 between five to ten
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
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.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the
sixties
Add a comma
,sixties
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 there is a trend to increase
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 proportion
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 and Sweden
while
Linking Words
 Japan seems
contrast
Fix the infinitive
to contrast
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of
Change preposition
apply
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it.
Whereas
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
increasing
Replace the word
increase
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 continues till
80s
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the 80s
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 for those two countries, Japan continues
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 almost the same range (between less than 5
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 to
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 10) through
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2020. Another stroke seems for the USA at the beginning of
2020’s
Fix apostrophe usage
2020s
show examples
.
After
Change preposition
From
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 2020 to 2040 all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
three countries’
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
65+ aged regularly
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
, too.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • aging population
  • proportion
  • elderly
  • significant increase
  • surpass
  • gradual increase
  • crucial period
  • rapid increase
  • healthcare advancements
  • lower birth rates
  • projections
  • adjustments in social services
  • demographic dynamics
  • lifestyle choices
  • trends
  • notable
  • potentially
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