IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

For many, shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People, however, in the past mostly visited those when necessary. To what extent do you think this is a negative trend?

Shopping malls, these days,
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 considered major recreational spots by many, but
people
Use synonyms
 mostly visited them for necessity in the past.
This
Linking Words
 new trend has many negative impacts on youngsters and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society as a whole.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue why it is completely unnecessary for
people
Use synonyms
 to spend their free
time
Use synonyms
 in the marketplace and purchase things that they do not need at all.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, modern shopping complexes offer many amenities
besides
Linking Words
 products
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 shoppers tend to enjoy roaming around different markets and
purchase
Wrong verb form
purchasing
show examples
 whatever they like.
For instance
Linking Words
, after the end of a semester, students prefer to meet up in a shopping mall, watch a movie and later have snacks in the food court. They say
this
Linking Words
 reduces the stress of the exams and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them relaxed.
Besides
Linking Words
, with the reduction of open places and parks, many families gather at a large shopping mall to enjoy their holidays.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is a negative trend and has health hazards.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, the younger generation tends to forget the beauty of nature and the stress relief provided by the outdoor world.
This
Linking Words
, in fact, drains out the energy of the youth and makes them lethargic.
For example
Linking Words
, a walk in a park or a day
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
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 beach refreshes the soul more
evident
Correct word choice
apply
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than a day in a mall.
Due to
Linking Words
 the excessive affection towards shopping, many
people
Use synonyms
 become Shopaholics and get into debt.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay argued why it is completely inappropriate for citizens to spend their free
time
Use synonyms
 in shopping malls. In my opinion,
people
Use synonyms
 should not rely on shopping malls to spend their free
time
Use synonyms
 and must enjoy their free
time
Use synonyms
 in a
much
Rephrase
more
show examples
 energetic and enthusiastic way and thereby creating a better society.

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Task response
Be clear on your view from the start and keep it steady through the essay.
Task response
Give more direct support for your points with small, real examples or facts tied to the prompt.
Coherence and cohesion
Make a smoother link between ideas. Use simple words like first, also, but, for example, so the reader can see how points fit.
Coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph should focus on one idea. Start with a short intro and end with a short closing.
Task response
The essay takes a clear position that malls can be a bad trend.
Coherence and cohesion
There are examples to show ideas in real life.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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