IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people think that more money will make them happier. How important is money for happiness?

#people #money #happiness
Earning more and more will render a feeling of pleasure to several individuals.
This
 essay will outline the significance of the property
along with
 other factors to bring happiness, which is a state of mind, and its definition varies from person to person. Undoubtedly,
money
 is one of the methods to live cheerfully. Primarily, people can fulfil their aspirations through cash as they can purchase branded clothes and luxury cars. Even wealth could provide an opportunity to spend life in elegant houses, which is an ambition of every individual, and
thus
, it makes them ecstatic.
Additionally
, masses throw,
weekend
Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
show examples
, festivals, and birthday parties through which they gain not only cheerfulness but
also
 the attention of others.
In addition
 to
this
,
such
 events contribute to their peace of mind.
For instance
, a man who has everything,
such
 as relationships, health, and children, but
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
does not have cash in his pockets, cannot consider himself blissful.
On the other hand
, there are some other factors which provide gratified life to people. First of all, several individuals feel contentment when they spend quality time with their loved ones,
instead
spending
Change preposition
of spending
show examples
money
 on luxurious things. Since they deem that family can support
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
 terrible circumstances, where
money
 can not.
Besides
this
, other than
money
, success is
also
 considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the primary component of happiness. To illustrate,
although
 Finland is not one of the wealthiest countries, it is the happiest nation because they find themselves blissful in spending time with their loved ones and
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
 on success rather than
money
.
To conclude
, the most
money
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 most happiness is an accurate fact, but to some extent,
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people can enjoy satisfying lives,
while
 other ingredients,
such
 as families and success, play a vital role in one's bliss out.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure all the points made directly relate to the prompt and provide a clear stance on the importance of money for happiness.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use transitions to connect ideas smoothly throughout the essay.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • subjective
  • universally
  • cultural differences
  • psychological factors
  • satisfaction with life
  • emotional balance
  • personal achievements
  • social connections
  • fulfilling relationships
  • sense of belonging
  • sense of purpose
  • physical health
  • well-being
  • financial stability
  • mindfulness
  • gratitude
  • positive thinking
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!