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Band 4.5

Today's essay topic: *People in all modern societies use drugs, but today's youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss the causes and some effects of widespread drug use by young people in modern day society. Make any recommendations you feel are necessary to help fight youth drug abuse.*

#topic #*people #societies #drugs #youth #age #sociologists #parents #members #society #effects #drug #people #recommendations #fight #abuse
In today’s globalised
world
,
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,
in recent decades
,
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,
it has been an issue frequently generating a great deal of heated debate between two groups of individuals as to whether it is appropriate that people
,
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,
who are in some sport types regarded as a popular thing
,
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,
get high
amount
 of salary meanwhile others
,
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,
on the contrary
,
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,
 working in another crucially important
fields
Suggestion
field
, are receiving less
money
.
However from
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However, from
 my point of view these other members of a society have every right for taking
equal
Suggestion
an equal amount
equal amounts
amount
 of
money
 from the government. On the one
hand there
Accept comma addition
hand, there
 are some factors that could be strong arguments against the other side of
this
issue why
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issue, why
 successful
sports professions
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sports, professions
 can get huge
amount
 of fund on a regular basis
.
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.
Firstly it
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Firstly, it
 should be emphasized that
,
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,
our
this
contemprory
characteristic of the present
contemporary
world
 has developed as it is
now which
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now, which
 means that it can be complicated obstacle to adjust it
.
Accept space
.
What I mean is that
,
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,
people
,
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,
over the years,
have been paying
Suggestion
have paid
 attention to that kind of sports to
great extent
Suggestion
a great extent
,
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,
namely, football, which enables them to earn
money
 by becoming at the centre of attention. To illustrate
this
 can be seen by Cristiano
Ronaldo who
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Ronaldo, who
 is one of those celebrities taking huge
amount
 of
money
 on
instagram
that is
harnessesd
brought under control and put to use
harnessed
 by lots of people nowadays.
Secondly
,
Accept space
,
the competitions held among different countries or clubs can select their positions
throught
all the way through
throughout
through
 the
world
 that can be
credible reason
Suggestion
a credible reason
 why the winners are provided with much fund.
Finally
,
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,
on top of it
,
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,
it should be considered
,
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,
the abilities they posses
necessitied
the condition of being essential or indispensable
necessities
 hard working for enhancing
,
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,
are
introduces an alternative
or
 their reputation.
On the other hand
, there is a wide spread opposition towards
this
 by the opponents
.
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.
They tend to claim that the employees of other
jobs particularly
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jobs, particularly
 doctors have
crucially important high role
Suggestion
a crucially important high role
 in
our our
of or belonging to us
our
 society
.
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.
it
Suggestion
It
 is
crystally
consisting of or containing or of the nature of crystals
crystalline
 clear that nowadays the
world
 is facing
burning issue
Suggestion
a burning issue
the burning issue
burning issues
 called Covid 19 costing at people’s life
.
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.
The actions being taken by doctors with the aim of eliminating it, are more vital compared to
sport
Suggestion
sports
proffesions
engaged in a profession or engaging in as a profession or means of livelihood
professionals
,
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,
 should be thanked. In the absence of them it would be impossible for us to eradicate
this
 jeopardy disease. In conclusion
,
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,
having taken everything into
consideration I
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consideration, I
 completely believe that not only the doctors but
also
 the other people in
variety
Suggestion
a variety
 of jobs should get
great deal
Suggestion
a great deal
 of
money
 as
sporters
a person who backs a politician or a team etc.
supporters
spotters
porters
.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • peer pressure
  • glamorize
  • substance abuse
  • preventative measures
  • cognitive function
  • alienation
  • awareness campaigns
  • mental health issues
  • parental supervision
  • social stigma
  • rehabilitation programs
  • early intervention
  • psychoactive substances
  • adolescence
  • decriminalization
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