IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion? To what extent do you support this development?

#people #birth #thirties #development #support
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The world is developing and moving
Change preposition
toward todays
show examples
todays
Correct your spelling
today
 the brighter future and it is processed in all the possible ways. The changes taking place in peoples' lives are even affecting their thinking
process
Use synonyms
. Being parents
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 important in our society, but as per the current situation, it on the second position on the priority list. In the following paragraphs, I shall be discussing more of the same content.
Initially
Linking Words
, there was a different thought
process
Use synonyms
 of
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an individual or a community. Those days family planning was the
top
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
most important as they believed,
giving
Correct word choice
that giving
show examples
 birth
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
younger
Correct article usage
a younger
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 age is healthy and with growing age girls will face
lot
Change the article
a lot
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 of
complication
Fix the agreement mistake
complications
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 and their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
won't
Correct your spelling
wouldn't
be growing
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
. Though they were right in their thinking. Females do face many complications after
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
 time.
However
Linking Words
, In
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
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 era things are slightly different as compared with the earlier generation. Education level has increased and
human's
Change the noun form
humans
human
show examples
 have started asking more
question
Fix the agreement mistake
questions
show examples
 and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are getting answers to which they are getting answers. So,
this
Linking Words
 century has more of a practical approach towards all the issue which comes in front of them. Making human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 is important for them too, but they have their priority sets and the issue which arises because of the age is
also
Linking Words
 being sorted as they have multiple solutions.
For example
Linking Words
, They have a healthy lifestyle,
Surrogasy
Correct your spelling
surrogacy
, Test tube babies and so on. There are
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 action as one can't experience
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mother nature's
process
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. it completes a
couple
Add the preposition
couple of
show examples
 choices. What they want and expect from their lives. Whether they are willing to take the risk or not. To summarise, As per my thought
process
Use synonyms
 modern culture has
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 own benefits and effects. It depends on
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 family. How they choose to live their lives.

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task response
Your essay lacks a clear position on the issue and does not adequately address the prompt. It would be beneficial to clearly state whether you support the trend of getting married and giving birth in thirties and provide a balanced argument with relevant examples.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is somewhat unclear. It contains ideas that are not effectively connected, and the essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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