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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that studying history is a waste of time while others think that it is essential to learn. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #history #waste #time
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While
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 it is no doubt that
history
Use synonyms
 is being played
vital
Add an article
a vital
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 role in the life of humans.
History
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 tells us about the past
time
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. How
people
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 lived. In
this
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 way, some individuals believe that learning
history
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 is a
waste
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 of
time
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.
While
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 other
people
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 reckon that it is very necessary to learn.
Hence
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, I will discuss both
view points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
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as well as
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 add my own opinion in the below paragraphs. To start with, those
people
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 who claim that
history
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 is not important
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they say it wastes the
time
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 of the experts.
Firstly
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,
people
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 know very well
,
Correct word choice
that, history
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Use synonyms
history
Correct article usage
the history
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 part is too long, which consumes more
time
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of
Change preposition
apply
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the
people
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.
For example
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, if a person wants to know about the before
time
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. He or she will have to study in the first lesson. When they choose
second
Change the article
the second
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 lesson. It
also
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 goes
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waste
Change preposition
to waste
show examples
, as they have no knowledge.
Nevertheless
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, they consider that
history
Use synonyms
 is a
waste
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 of
time
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.
On the other hand
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, certain masses opine that it is
very
Rephrase
apply
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essential
studying about
Verb problem
to study
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 the past
time
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.
First
Correct article usage
The first
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 and foremost
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
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 is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 it helps to introduce the in depth of information about the
history
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.
For instance
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, it keeps connecting with the culture
as well as
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 traditions.
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Also
Add a comma
Also,
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people
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 know
that
Correct word choice
apply
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how they lived and ate.
Therefore
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,
people
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 want to enjoy their culture
with
Change preposition
in
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 different ways.
To conclude
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, even though
history
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 is a
waste
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lots
Correct quantifier usage
lot
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 of
time
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 the
people
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,
yet
Correct word choice
apply
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it is very necessary
learning
Change the verb form
to learn
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 about the past
time
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. I judge that
history
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 has
a
Change the word
its
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 own enjoyment, which keeps to connect with the before
time
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear organization and logical progression of ideas. The points are not supported with adequate examples and do not flow coherently. Additionally, the introduction and conclusion need improvement.
task response
The essay partially addresses the given topic, but does not provide a clear and comprehensive discussion of both sides of the argument. Points mentioned lack relevant and specific examples to support the ideas presented. More focus on all aspects of the given topic is needed.
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