The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.
The line graph illustrates the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
of
books
read by
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
at the Burnaby Library in four years 2011, 2012, 2013, and 2014.
Overall
, the line graph shows a gradual increase except
number
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the number
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of women decreased
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
year
in the given period. It is evident that women read more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men,
however
,
last
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
year
it changed
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
male reader number increased, whilst
female
Correct article usage
the female
show examples
number plunged. With regards to the
amount
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number
show examples
of male readers, it began at around 3000
books
in 2011 and it increased a
merely
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mere
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five hundred, which was 3500 in 2012. Following that, it soared
at
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to
show examples
approximately 10000 in 2013 and it reached 14000
books
in the final
year
of the period given. Women, meanwhile, it was 2000
books
more than men at the beginning of the figure. Female reading numbers
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased gradually in the following two years (2012, 2013), 8000 and 10000
books
, respectively before
dropped
Wrong verb form
dropping
show examples
sharp
Change the adjective
sharply
show examples
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
8000 in the
last
year
Submitted by pmonkhzaya22 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
Vocabulary: Replace the words books, year with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • library
  • gender
  • reading habits
  • compare
  • significantly
  • trends
  • increase/decrease
  • consistent
  • fluctuate
  • period
  • summarise
  • graph
  • public library
  • books read
  • Burnaby Public Library
  • 2011 to 2014
  • male
  • female
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