IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but some people believe there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #happiness #factors #influence
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Happiness
Use synonyms
 spells from various factors: external and internal.
Couple
Suggestion
A couple
 of people hold the view of
happiness
Use synonyms
 is
culmination
Suggestion
the culmination
a culmination
 of myriad happenings which happened around us;
conversely
Linking Words
, others debunk
this
Linking Words
 theory by asserting it absolutely connected with
inner world
Suggestion
the inner world
. Both of the ideas are going to be elaborated in the following paragraphs.
Happiness
Use synonyms
 always stems from inner side irrespective of all turbulence occurring in one's
life
Use synonyms
 and making it sheer inner phenomena.
Additionally
Linking Words
, their
happiness
Use synonyms
 hinges on limited things of
life
Use synonyms
, fundamentally their mental state. For an instance, a person with mental
equibilirium
a stable situation in which forces cancel one another
equilibrium
 can surmount all the odds of
life
Use synonyms
 with exuberance,
in contrast
Linking Words
, a person who is not happy from inner side get into depression soon and petty issue can perturb him very easily. I
also
Linking Words
 concur with the same idea that being delighted is a feeling which does not need a lot of things but mental equanimity.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
couple
Suggestion
a couple
 of people
denies
Suggestion
deny
 the above notion by hammering on the significance of external circumstances which certainly take their toll on
person's
Suggestion
a person's life
life
Use synonyms
 causing him sabotaging his own
life
Use synonyms
. A numbers of reasons who play havoc with the
happiness
Use synonyms
 of
life
Use synonyms
 are financial crunch, physical disability, emotional setbacks, impoverishment etc. Despite possessing
calm disposition
Suggestion
a calm disposition
, one cannot lead
stress free
Suggestion
a stress free life
life
Use synonyms
. The various outside elements are
also
Linking Words
 responsible for making one exhilarated about
life
Use synonyms
. In sum and substance, joy emanates from
plethora
Suggestion
the plethora
a plethora
 of factors and conditions of our practical
life
Use synonyms
 and a significant number of people assert the inner spirit to be the major reason of
happiness
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by keenlearner2016 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: