IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that arts, such as paintings and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other public services. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

#people #arts #paintings #music #waste #money #government #services
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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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today's world, everybody has a lot of workload in the day to day life. Apparently, some extra
activities
Use synonyms
 like art and craft, will might play a positive role for all of us.
According to
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 me, if the government is spending money on all of these programmes,
then
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this
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 will be a good decision and I have pretty much agreed with the notion. First and foremost,
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
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, most of the persons
having
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have
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 a busy schedule
due to
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 their work and job and most of them are unable to afford the visit
in
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apply
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extra
activities
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 for their rejuvenation. Now, if the government
will spend
Wrong verb form
spends
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 money
over
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on
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the
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art and music centres
then
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 it will be easy for
the
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normal people to go there and explore. Because
,
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 they will charge less as compared to public centres.
For example
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, a number of people want to learn
such
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 kind of skills, but
the
Correct your spelling
they
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 avoid
due to
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 the lack of centres.
Secondly
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, in
this
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 competitive era, every student is running to compete with their classmates.
Due to
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this
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, sometimes, they
left
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leave
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 their talent behind them because of so much overburden of studies. As
the
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a
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 result, they feel depression and anxiety.
However
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, if government tends to open
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
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 for
the
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extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
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activities
Use synonyms
,
then
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 every student will get a chance to go there and increase their inner strength and motivation. On the flip side, it is
also
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 good to spend some amount
over
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on
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 the public
sectors
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sector
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, but leisure
activities
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 are not worthless.
To conclude
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, public services are
also
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 equally mandatory for
the
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society, but we cannot avoid
the
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other
activities
Use synonyms
due to
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 the public services. Because
,
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apply
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 it will provide a work-life balance in everyone's life.

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Task Response
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of government spending on arts programs and their positive impact on society. Make sure to provide more specific examples to further support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Try to improve the transition between paragraphs for better coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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