IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101.

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101.
#information #changes #birth #death #rates #zealand
The pie charts show information about different
energy
 sources in France in 1995 and 2005. The leading source of
energy
 production during
the
Remove the article
apply
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both years made up
coal
Change preposition
of coal
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 and gas, which brought together around 60
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of the total number.
However
, coal use significantly decreased,
gas
Correct word choice
and gas
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 started to be used
on
Change preposition
apply
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one
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 more. Petrol stood
one
Correct your spelling
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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third
 place both in 1995 and 2005
,
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apply
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 but lost its number from around 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 20, which made up a
third
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 its common use. Nuclear power in
energy
 production wasn’t popular during the mentioned periods, but a sudden spurge could be observed to 10
rate
Change to a plural noun
rates
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 in comparison with 1995, where it made up only 6 and a half
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the total
energy
manufacture
Replace the word
manufactured
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.
I
Correct pronoun usage
It
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 could be seen that alternative sources create power
started
Correct pronoun usage
that started
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 to develop during the period of 10 years. Its usage stood at the number of only 5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1995
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased twice in 10 years.
Overall
, the most significant fluctuations were linked to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
petrol decease of use. It was changed to nuclear and alternative sources of power manufacturing.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "third".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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