In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occured? Do you think their parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

#times #adults #time #families #friends #change #parents #force #children #home

Nowadays, young professionals

has

Suggestion

have

time

with friends more than their families.

This

has happened due to

age

gaps, but

this

can be resolved by not forcing them to stay at home

instead

, by allocating a bonding

time

for the entire family. Currently, youngsters

spends

Suggestion

spend

time

with peers for the reason that they can relate better to each other compared at home which is due to

age

difference. Young people who are on the same

age

group can more understand each other as they have similar interest.

For example

highschool

Suggestion

high school

students are in

critical stage

Suggestion

a critical stage

critical stages

the critical stage

of maturity in which they are looking for

belongingness

Accept comma addition

belongings, thus

belongings thus

thus

, they tend to open up with their friends less than to their parents. Young adults in the modern world are providing less attention to their own families as they are always out with

group

Suggestion

a group

of friends. An authoritarian way of pushing them to stay could cause more

trouble

Accept comma addition

trouble, however

however

, in a softer approach of showing concern to have a scheduled family bonding could catch their attention.

For instance

, parents in Indiana, USA prefer not to work on Sundays to make sure they can enjoy the family day with loved ones.

This

has been proven to improve their relationship with each family

members

Suggestion

member

. In conclusion, young adults in the recent years are indeed finding their comfortable friendship outside their

home

Suggestion

home, thus

thus

, providing less

time

to their families, because of gap in

age

However

, managing to bond with their respective families would be

beneficial

Suggestion

more beneficial

than pushing them to just stay in the house.

Submitted by shiezdc25 on Sun May 03 2020

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

257 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

independence
establish
identity
influence
social media
digital communication
commitments
pressure
academic
profession
prioritize
cultural shifts
societal shifts
peer relationships
emotional support
guidance
voluntary
autonomy
balance
resilient
overbearing

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In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occured? Do you think their parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that international trade and communication with other countries is a positive trend, while others think it is harmful to nations and they might lose their identities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Computer games are very popular for all ages and nationalities. Parents think this has little educational value and it will be harmful for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is better to run your own business than to work for someone else. To what extent do yo agree or disagree?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?