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Band 6.5

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and march 1999.

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and march 1999.
#unemployment #rates #japan #march
This
 line graph compares the unemployment
rate
 of
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 and
japan
 from 1993 to 1999.
Overall
, it
is appeared
Change to the active voice
appears
has appeared
show examples
 that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
work force
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 in
japan
,
on the other
hand
Add the comma(s)
,hand
show examples
 the percentage decreases in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
through
Change preposition
throughout
show examples
 the entire time period. Let me begin
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
march 1993, maximum
7
Change preposition
of 7
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 jobless in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
.
Besides
 that, only 2
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
inhabitant
Change preposition
of inhabitant
show examples
 was not engaged with work in
japan
. Day by day,
this
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 is
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 in
japan
. Meanwhile decreased in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
. In march 1995, the amount of jobless people in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nearly 5.5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 followed by a steady
decreased
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
.
Unemployment
Add an article
The unemployment
show examples
rate
 in
japan
, fall from 3.5% to 3.25%
closely
Change the word
close
show examples
 in 1996 which is the only drop through the decade. A dramatic rise and fall are seen through the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1996 and 1997 in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 and after that percentage became steady as previous. A coincidence
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
happened
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between march 1998 and 1999,
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 the unemployment
rate
 of
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 countries was exactly
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 nearly 4.5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Finally
, the
rate
 was 4.2% and 4.5% in
japan
 and US respectively.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words rate, japan, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreases" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Unemployment rate
  • Trend
  • Comparison
  • Period
  • Sharp increase/decrease
  • Correlation
  • Economic policies
  • Technological advancements
  • Global economic conditions
  • Consumer spending
  • Social welfare
  • Public sentiment
  • Predictions
  • Economic strategies
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