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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and march 1999.

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and march 1999.
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This
Linking Words
 line graph compares the unemployment rate of the US and
Use synonyms
japan
Change the capitalization
Japan
show examples
 from 1993 to 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, it appears that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
 increases in,
japan
Use synonyms
,
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add the comma(s)
,hand
show examples
 the percentage decreases in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
through
Change preposition
throughout
show examples
 the entire time period. Let me begin
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
march 1993, maximum
7
Change preposition
of 7
show examples
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 jobless in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, only 2
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
inhabitant
Change preposition
of inhabitant
show examples
 was not engaged with work in
japan
Use synonyms
. Day by day,
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 is
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 in
japan
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile decreased in the US. In march 1995, the amount of jobless people in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 reaches
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nearly 5.5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 followed by a steady
decreased
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
. The unemployment
raterate
Correct your spelling
rate rate
reiterate
 in
japan
Use synonyms
 falls from 3.5% to 3.25%
closely
Change the word
close
show examples
 in 1996 which is the only drop through the decade. A dramatic rise and fall are seen through the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1996 and 1997 in the US and after that percentage became steady as previous. A coincidence is happening
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between March 1998 and 1999,
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 the unemployment rate of
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 countries was exactly
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 nearly 4.5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the rate was 4.2% and 4.5% in
japan
Use synonyms
 and US respectively.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreases" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "falls" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Unemployment rate
  • Trend
  • Comparison
  • Period
  • Sharp increase/decrease
  • Correlation
  • Economic policies
  • Technological advancements
  • Global economic conditions
  • Consumer spending
  • Social welfare
  • Public sentiment
  • Predictions
  • Economic strategies
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