IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries imprisonment is the most common solution to crimes. However, some people believe that better education will be a more effective solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #imprisonment #crimes #people #education
People have different views about whether or not sending
law-breakers
someone who violates the law
lawbreakers
 to
prision
a correctional institution used to detain persons who are in the lawful custody of the government (either accused persons awaiting trial or convicted persons serving a sentence)
prison
pricing
person
 is the common measurement to diminish
level
Suggestion
the levels
levels
 of crimes, while other people believe that
education
 for criminals will be more significant solution. In my opinion, I completely agree that
education
 for offender is the best way to tackle crimes. On the one hand, the primary reason for my belief
education
 for criminals make
significant contribution
Suggestion
a significant contribution
 to reduce
level
Suggestion
the level
levels
 of crimes.
Fristly
Suggestion
Firstly
,
since
Suggestion
for
 lack of
education
 and poverty are the two main culprits for increased criminal activities,
education
 for criminals enables them to seek better employment.
This
 means that a form of
education
 provides them with academic knowledge and soft skills through vocational
traning
activity leading to skilled behavior
training
, which enables them to escape the poverty traps and are less likely to commit a crime again after leaving
prision
a correctional institution used to detain persons who are in the lawful custody of the government (either accused persons awaiting trial or convicted persons serving a sentence)
prison
.
Secondly
,
education
 would instill a sense of value life and self-worth in criminals, and
education
 would them to raise
fully
Suggestion
full
awaraness
having knowledge of
awareness
 of
dangers
Suggestion
the dangers
 of their violating the laws and vulnerable victims.
As a result
, criminals could reduce the hatred of society and be remorseful for what they have done.
On the other hand
, another reason is that
education
 about crimes at school is the effective solution to diminish
level
Suggestion
the levels
levels
 of crimes. The primary reason is that talking
by
Suggestion
with
 ex-
prisioners
a person who is confined; especially a prisoner of war
prisoners
prisoner
 should be held at
school
Suggestion
the school
 in order to informed students
of
Suggestion
about
 the threat
of
Suggestion
to
 society and negative consequences when
crime
Suggestion
a crime
 is
commited
bound or obligated, as under a pledge to a particular cause, action, or attitude
committed
.
Moreover
, ex-
prisioners
a person who is confined; especially a prisoner of war
prisoners
 who have undergone
long process
Suggestion
a long process
 of
imprisionmemt
 and
rehibiliation
the restoration of someone to a useful place in society
rehabilitation
 is
great sources
Suggestion
a great sources
 of real-life experience and the
film harsh
Accept comma addition
film, harsh
 daily life of ex-
prisioners
a person who is confined; especially a prisoner of war
prisoners
 with vivid imagery in incarceration.
As a result
,
this
 acts a deterrent to people who have the intention to commit a crime, if they engage in criminal activities, they would receive
sever
intensely or extremely bad or unpleasant in degree or quality
severe
 punishment. In conclusion, I am convinced that promoting educational values is the best way to combat crimes from the root and increase public well-being
Submitted by tuyenthanhtu14 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: