IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

the percentage of overweight children in western societies has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution.

#percentage #children #societies #ten #years #effects #trend #offer
Research has shown that childhood obesity has risen by twenty percent in the western world. There are several factors which have played a role in
this
.
Also
, there are a number of effects of being overweight. One of the major factors that has contributed to an increase in children’s weight is unhealthy
food
. The number of children eating
this
 kind of
food
 is on the rise, and the increasing number of fast
food
 restaurants is responsible for that.These restaurants sell tasty
food
 to attract children, but these foods contain unhealthy ingredients
,
Accept space
,
such
 as fat and salt.
This
 occurs because some advertisements encourage children to eat unhealthy meals.
Lastly
, children do not give time for outdoor activities because they spend more time watching television or playing games on computers at home, which leads to a sedentary lifestyle.
As a result
 of the above factors, children become overweight.
This
then
 leaves children prone to many problems. They are more likely to suffer from chronic diseases like high blood pressure and diabetes, during their late age of life. These conditions are life threatening.
In addition
, these children can be tortured at school by peers, which can have effects on their mental health like stress, anxiety and insomnia. These problems, in turn, often result in lower productivity at school.
Futhermore
in addition
Furthermore
, they are less likely to be selected for
school
Suggestion
School
 sports teams because the selecting team might be concerned about their fitness. In conclusion, factors like poor diet and sedentary lifestyles because of advances in technology have led to an increase in overweight children, and
this
 may cause serious physiological and psychological problems to children's health.
Submitted by dalertolibov16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: